The LOST Writers' Island

Chapter 1
Comfort in Times of Pain

She sees them all returning from the beach and immediately starts to look for Charlie.  Claire's been so worried about him.  He's not there though and her eyes turn to the only one who can answer her questions of why.  Her head knows what her heart refuses to believe.

Desmond takes a deep breath and walks forward to her.  He's been rehearsing this ever since he began the swim back from the underwater hatch.  Desmond knew he had to be the one to tell her, but he still doesnt know how to do it.  There's no good way to do it, so he just does it.  Desmond looks her in the eyes, pained expressions on both of their faces.  "Claire, he...he didnt make it.  I'm so sorry."  His hand touches her elbow lightly.

Claire holds Aaron tightly to her chest as tears form in her eyes.  Shaking Desmonds hand off, her eyes narrow as her anger builds.  "What happened?"  Desmond doesnt answer straight away and she gets madder.  She knows he was there with Charlie and she can see it in his eyes.  She can tell that he watched Charlie die.  Claire can see his pain as well, but her aching heart won't let her feel it or acknowledge it just yet.  "What happened?" she repeats, her voice growing harsher.

He's hurt when she shakes his hand away.  Desmond's not sure why, but it hurts all the same.  He can see the hurt in her eyes, written on her face and his heart breaks all over again.  Desmond wishes he could take this pain from this poor sweet young mother.  She doesnt deserve this.  Claire's anger is apparent.  He answers her best he can.  Desmond tells her about Charlie's heroism and how he made it possible for them to all be rescued.  He tells her how brave Charlie was and that he insisted on being the one to do it.  Desmond explains that Charlie knows it wasnt Penny's boat and told him so.  He knows this won't ease her pain now, but maybe in time. 

Claire listens to what he has to say, but can't digest it all right now.  She pushes away from him as tears fall hard. Locke begins to talk about how they have to hide and protect themselves and Jack says they have to face this head on.  Claire doesn't know what to think, but when Hurley says he's going to honor Charlie's message and go with Locke, Claire follows suit.  She feels it's the right thing to do, for Charlie's sake. 

It's time for Desmond to decide what to do, but he just doesn't know.  He wants to honor Charlie, but wonders if Jack isn't right.  Desmond knows there is no black and white answer here, only touches of gray.  He sees the pain in Hurley and Claire's eyes and feels like he owes them, like he owes Charlie, because after all it was him who told Charlie about the last flash and why Charlie had to die.  Desmond decides then and there to go with Locke and to watch out for both Hurley and Claire, he owes them and Charlie at least that, so he steps over next to Locke.

Locke's group begins to trudge through the rain and darkness as they silently head to the homes the Others had once occupied.  Claire is cold and wet and she's holding Aaron so tight trying to keep him form getting sick.  She's still in shock over losing Charlie and having to choose sides.  Nothing seems right anymore, but yet none of it's totally wrong either.  It's all just gray.  Claire takes this time to begin to let her pain seep in, to realize that Charlie is gone.  She walks along silently, brushing off any help. 

When they get to a small clearing, Locke says they should camp for the night.  The rain has stopped and the ground here is eerily dry.  The weather patterns in this place are just another of the crazy oddities.  Aaron has gone to sleep in her arms.  Claire sees Desmond lean back against a tree away from everyone.  She needs to talk to him, needs to know more about what happened.  She carries Aaron over to Hurley and asks him to watch the baby.  Hurley is nervous, but agrees, knowing Claire needs some time to herself.

Claire slowly walks over to Desmond.  She speaks softly.  "Why did he do it, Desmond?"  She sees the guilt he carries.  "It was one of your visions, wasn't it?"  Claire starts to grow angry.  "It was your fault...your fault that he died.  If you hadn't told him he would still be here now."  She feels her anger growing out of control as she fights back the tears.  "You've been nothing but trouble since you got here!" she says balling up a fist and hitting him square in the chest.  Claire may say the words, but she doesn't mean them, it's the pain talking.  She needs someone to blame for her loss and Desmond is a convenient target.

Desmond cringes at the feel of her fist against his chest.  Not because it hurts, because it doesn't really, but more because he's taken by surprise.  Desmond should speak up and tell her it's not his fault, that Charlie made his own decision in order to save her and Aaron, but he doesn't want to burden her with the guilt, he'll carry it for both of them.  Desmond feels he deserves it.  Claires fist hits him again in the chest, breaking his train of thought and bringing him back to the pain at hand.

Tears start to flow as she breaks down and truly cries for the loss of Charlie for the first time.  She pounds Desmond's chest as she cries.  "Your fault...its your fault!" she yells over and over again, punctuating each cry with a pound of her fist.  Desmond lets her get it out at first, but then can't bear to see her pain.  He wraps his arms around her and pulls her to his chest, holding her still until she stops moving.  Claire breaks down and sobs as he holds her.  Desmond holds her tight trying to offer whatever comfort he can.  He's so tired that he lets his head rest against hers.

Claire cries until she has no more tears.  But she doesn't move.  She stays in Desmonds arms.  She listens to his sad sigh and knows deep down inside that it's not his fault.  Charlie did what he did for a reason.  The thought crosses her mind that she and Aaron might have been that reason and she sniffles softly.  Claire finds herself wrapping her arms around Desmond in a hug, trying to take some of his pain away.  She knows he's hurting and it's not fair for her to add to his pain.  This feels so right and yet wrong at the same time.  This is the gray that she imagines she'll be living in now.

Desmond feels her hug him back and stiffens for a second, surprised.  But then he relaxes.  This feels right and wrong and somewhere in between all at the same time.  He pulls away and looks down at her.  "Im sorry Claire," he says and means it for so many things.  He takes a crumpled and wet piece of paper out of his pocket and presses it into her hand.  "He wrote this for you, wanted me to give it to you."

Claire shakes her head.  "Don't be sorry.  I was wrong.  It's not your fault."  She takes the note and nods her head in thanks.  She goes back to Hurley and gathers Aaron in her arms.  Claire goes to find a spot to sleep for the night and after Aaron falls asleep and the campfire begins to die out, she reads the note Charlie left her.  Tears fall all over again.  Claire lays down next to Aaron and closes her eyes.  She can still feel Desmond's arms around her, comforting her, as she drifts off to sleep.

Desmond keeps to himself and beds down for the night.  His eyes never leave Claire.  He watches her from a distance and strangely when she cries, his arms seem to ache.  He wants to hold her again and comfort her.  He shakes the thought from his head and lays down on the dry ground, but he can't get the smell of her hair out of his mind as he goes to sleep.